I Have Found a Home in the Belly of a Ghost

by Backtalk

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about

recorded in October at Blood Farm

Hard copies of this album via Flowerpot Records
Love you all.

credits

released October 31, 2015

recorded/produced by Wes Meadows
Trumpet on (500) & Lake Wobegone by Wes Meadows

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Backtalk Akron, Ohio

Nü Pünk from Akron, OH

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Track Name: Waking Up On My Own Terms
Waking up on my own terms
Always anxious, always honestly
Falling in love with a photograph
Of yourself when you were a kid/
You’re stuck in bed again
You don’t go out anymore
You fucked this up again
It doesn’t faze you anymore /
I’m still waiting
For your
Approval
To come back home
Death and losing
Sleep
Over lost love/
Wipe your tears
On a makeshift best friend’s shoulder
Fuck your faith
Fuck these relationships
I crashed my car
Into a fence
And it’s burning from the hood
Fuck your faith
Fuck these relationships
Track Name: Amputation
My brother said he doesn’t want to be like me when he grows up
I don’t blame him
Cause I am angry all the time
I don’t want to be like myself when I grow up either
There’s a feeling in my throat and it kind of feels like you
And it kind of feels like shit
There’s a feeling in my lungs and it kind of resembles
The last hit on a cigarette/
I remember lying on your floor
You warmed my heart
I remember smiling
But I refuse to be myself/
They say that you’re your own worst critic
But I think I critique myself just fine
And they say you’re your own worst enemy, but
I don’t think I am I know I’m mine/
Sometimes I think I hate myself too much
Then I realize I don’t hate myself enough
And there are times when I hope to live forever here with you
But now I understand
That I’m meant to die alone
Track Name: Parsons
Tom doesn’t live here anymore
Last June he killed himself
I think I’ll do the same cause
I don’t matter to anyone else/
Life is hate
Hate is everything
That I know, that I adhere to
I’m sorry that I let you down/
Everyone leaves
and everyone dies
There’s no way of stopping the passing of time.
Track Name: Winter Then, Winter Now
I remember back when I believed in god
and just like you
those days are gone
I know that you meant it when you said that we never can
Even though you said, “I won’t say never”, you meant never
In your head/
I’m just scared that December will last for the rest of my life
And I’ll always be 16 in my head
Seasons change, but I get older
And I’ll never be fine ‘till I’m dead/
I’ve been thinking a whole lot
Probably more than I should
I’ve tried so hard this year to be good
But I can’t and I know that
But I try and I guess that’s what really counts
I can’t, yeah I know that
But I try and I guess it kind of helps/
I know who I want to be
When I was with you I could be everything
I know who I want to be
When I was with you I could be everything
Track Name: These Pretzels are Making Me Thirsty
You stain the glass
With the fog created by your breath
You write the names of the boys you like
In a row in the fog/
You carve your limbs
With a Swiss you got when you were a kid
You wrote the names of the boys you like
But now everyone’s dead/
I’m lying on the backseat of my car
I want to be with you, but you’re so far/
Look what you’ve done
Now everyone’s gone
Track Name: (500) Days of Summer
Oh, you fucked up, but it turned out fine
Oh, you knew what you got from the get-go,
You’re fucked up, you hate it
And all of your friends moved away
And you’re still in high school, but you want to die every day/
I know I have changed more than I ever have
In these three short months living life as though I hate
I’m not scared of death as much as I though would’ve been
But I don’t want to die because I think too much when I’m alive,
I know I’ve said things I never meant
Like, “I don’t think that I will ever come back”
These things come and pass
Like all of my stupid high school friends
It’s like when you’re a kid and you thought more of your dad/
I know who I want to be,
But I will watch it fade away/
I know I have changed (and I was never your lover) more than I ever have
In these three short months (and I was never your friend) living life as though I hate
I’m not scared of death as much as I though would’ve been
But I don’t want to die because I think too much when I’m alive,
I know I’ve said things (and I am not a good person) I never meant
Like, “I don’t think that I will ever come back” (and I am always afraid)
These things come and pass
Like all of my stupid high school friends
It’s like when you’re a kid and you thought more of your dad
Track Name: Left- Handed Scissors
The steps I took to impress my dad
Only made feel so fucking vulnerable/
I am so thankful for the friends that I’ve met
Who have helped me to realize that I can accept
And though I’m still trying to clean up this mess
I’m learning to smile though I will never forget myself/
I fell in love with my best friend last August
And I feel much different than I did last year
There’s a hole in my chest that I am
Trying to fill up
And holes in my lungs that I’ve been
Feeling all year,
But I feel fine (you’ll forget me in hour)
But I feel fine (you’ll forget me when I’m home)/
I looked in your eyes
I swear to god I’ll never let this end
Because I still love you like I did last August
And you still love me like you did last spring,
And I don’t want to die
But I’ll kill myself 1,000 times
Cause I don’t want to live
I don’t feel safe in my skin
Track Name: Cleveland
I need to get a hold of myself cause I’ve been
Scared forever
I want to breathe again
But I never can in this weather
And there’s a hole in my lungs big enough
To drown my heart
But you’ve already done that
Back when we fell apart/
You’ve given me false hope
God isn’t real
And I’ll always be alone
I want to disappear (like all of my friends did)
I want to disappear (because I miss you so much)/
I need to get a hold of mself cause I’ve been
Scared forever
I want to breathe again
But I never can in this weather
All the leaves have fallen from the trees to the ground
Leaving the branches blank
And you’d probably hate me now
If could see how low I’ve sank/
I hate my life
And my legs are shaking
Cause it’s cold outside
And you moved to Cleveland,
I want to die
Cause my heart is breaking
But I’ll be fine
Hey, how’s Cleveland?
Track Name: Lake Wobegone
Sometimes I want to go back
And visit your town
Watch you grow up
Watch you settle down,
And I still can’t figure out
What’s in your pocket
Is it a notebook or
Is it a map?
Go upstairs
Lock the door
Think of me,
Waste your life
Butting heads with me/
I’m sprawled
Out on your bedroom floor
Think about your body
Think about your breathing
And how I don’t feel it anymore,
I’m bleeding
Out
In the bathroom on the tile
The cat’s in the kitchen
Along with my sister and her friends/
There’s a place in my life that I wanted to be at
But when I tell my friends they don’t really see it
And I feel much better when I’m alone
Than I ever fucking did when I was at your home,
We always said we’d be ok
But as the months went by I was growing more afraid
Do you remember that night
That we drove back to your parents
I kissed your neck underneath that tree
And you pointed to my heart said,
“always save that for me”/
Happy kids
Happy birthday
Waking up inside of you,
Merciful, Jesus Christ
Hang my neck/